Happy Tuesday. I hope everyone is having such a great holiday season. We certainly are over here, although we’re kind of limping along. 😉 I’ve had the cold that doesn’t quit for a week (and counting) and then had stomach issues on Christmas Eve. Drew followed with the stomach issues on Christmas Day and had to sit out of my family’s celebration. We think the stomach issues were caused by something we ate when celebrating with Drew’s family on the 23rd.
Anyway, our hearts are SO full and we realize how lucky we are to have our health. I always humble myself by thinking of my oncology patients and how long their not feeling well journeys are. I can certainly handle a cold for a week and not feel too down about it. Perks of being an oncology nurse, you always know it could be worse.
That being said, one very challenging part of parenting is when YOU don’t feel well yourself and you still have little ones to take care of. It can s-t-r-e-t-c-h you and your patience. For Drew and I, our patience with each other is what really runs short.
Although I had another post planned and mostly written for today, this one was on my heart. Because of the hustle and bustle of the holidays, I’m sure there are other parenting duos that could use it too.
Today Drew said, “This is really hard. Parenting two little people is hard.”
I was impatient with him because of that comment. Emphasized by the fact that he simultaneously handed off crying Trey and plopped down on the daybed. Here is the thing: I completely agree. It is hard and SO darn busy. In fact, last night had us agreeing that we longed to just lay on the couch together and cuddle…just the two of us. We dream big over here. 😉
Instead of being understanding, I was annoyed. I met him with a pointed comment. And he met that by leaving the room to shower.
While I nursed and rocked Trey immediately after that fight, I reflected. I thought,
Staying happy in our marriage while parenting is going to take 100,000 apologies. It will also take 100,000 moments of forgiveness.
I would undoubtedly say that is the key. Along with never taking too long to do either of those things.
I couldn’t even wait for Drew to be done showering, I went upstairs to apologize. Over the noise of the water and the bathroom fan, I told him I was sorry for not understanding better when he feels overwhelmed and tired. I told him the truth was this week has left me feeling that way too. It is SO easy for me to feel like I’m pulling more of the parenting load because I’m breastfeeding Trey and waking up with him all night. But, that isn’t fair and I know he does so darn much for the 3 of us. Best of all: he keeps things so lighthearted and funny.
Drew not only accepted my apology, but he apologized immediately. He has a real way with words so his was, “Sorry for sucking and being impatient.” hahaha.
Whether you are sick, short on sleep, tired of all the crying, missing the time just the two of you…I hope this message finds you well. I hope you know that nobody has a perfect marriage and that we’re all just trying to survive this demanding time.
Here is what I know:
Coming together is much better than letting the stress put space between you.
I love my husband more than words and I want to stay in love with him during the thick of it. When we’re through this beautiful busy season, I want to come out holding hands and laughing about it. So if you are following along with our journey, you are following a very happy couple. But the truth is: we work at it. Harder than I thought we would ever need to when we fell so hard and fast for each other.
Because the tiffs were increasing in frequency and my desire to keep our marriage strong is so deep, I recently bought the recommend book Love Unending: Rediscovering Your Marriage in the Midst of Motherhood. It is a 21 day journey that includes daily challenges, reflections and prayers for women (like me) that want to keep their marriage strong in the midst of mommin’ hard. This one you actually do want the physical book because it is a workbook that you write in! Let me know if you get it and let’s reflect on it together. I just started a little private FB group for readers of this blog called A Cup of Coffee with Ames. It is going to be a place where we can discuss things like my book recommendations. More intimate than the comment section, so join if that sounds like something you’re interested in…I’m excited to see where it goes.
Love Unending just arrived today and just the introduction had me welling up with the happy kind of tears. “He looked over his shoulder to make sure my momma wasn’t coming, and with a twinkle in his eye and a sly little smile, he whispered, ‘Every day when I wake up, I tell myself it is the first day I am married to your mom.”
Amy (and Drew)