Hi friends! Happy Thursday!
I read it + text her right away. Girl, that was a bold post.
Anyway, I felt inspired by it. As friends that are both bloggers, we’re constantly encouraging each other + bouncing ideas off of each other. Here is the thing: we are different people with a different set of experiences + different personalities. We’re not always going to agree or have the same opinion.
That’s what happened when I read that blog. I thought, I disagree. That doesn’t mean I don’t respect what she is doing over there or that my opinion is right, it’s just different.
I agree that friendships go through seasons. Totally.
I agree that if there is someone that isn’t making you feel good about yourself or is upsetting you more than making you happy…putting some distance between you is probably best for both of you. Absolutely.
It is the breakup part that didn’t feel right to me + here is why: I think we should love people where they are.
I think you should honor that you’ve gone through life with a dynamic crew of people. At different times, each one of them has shown up when you needed them to.
It doesn’t matter that you are now in a different phase of life + the two of you cannot relate to exactly what eachother is going through. You likely don’t have enough time to nurture each friendship like you did back in the hay day of that friendship.
Maybe your friend is chasing down her career dreams + has a different timeline for marriage + a family. You haven’t seen eachother in months. But she was the one that made me fall in love with positivity + encouraged me to go to my first yoga class, which essentially changed my life. Namaste.
Maybe she is busy hiking 14ers + going to concerts + kind of sucks at calling. But she was the one that drove me 3 hours to my parent’s house on a school night when my brother died, only to have to turn right around + drive straight back up to school.
Maybe she actually wishes more than anything that she could relate to you as a momma, but the road to motherhood hasn’t been fast or easy. But she is the one that knows me to my very core + still lets me vent about the trials of new motherhood, even though she would take those trials in a minute.
Maybe she is just a busy little bee that found her true love + now has different priorities. But she was the one that came over immediately when I had my worst college breakup… in her PJs + she listened to me ugly cry. Then we watched Sex in the City the movie which made me cry even harder…because how could Big do that to Carrie? She was there.
Of course circumstances of life can make it hard to keep up with everyone. But what happened for me a year or two ago was I had to change my expectations of each friendship. I no longer wanted to get sad about the lost closeness, I wanted to remember the best times with each person + cherish the times that we would have coming up. I understood that we have all grown + made new friends. I’m SO thankful for that.
I believe that when you do see her you should give her your best and biggest hug. When she reaches out, you should be happy to hear from her. I chose to not worry about when the last time was or who is putting in more effort. When she needs me, I’m going to chose to show up for her.
I became a momma to Maxwell about 4.5 months ago. I seriously am not one of those people that can keep track of how many weeks he is (shocking, I know).
Before I was a momma, I wasn’t aware of so many things. I didn’t understand that it would be WAY easier for people to come to me for the first few weeks (heck, months). I didn’t know that bringing over a meal is seriously helpful in the first few weeks. I didn’t understand why people would made plans around their baby’s nap time, like can’t the baby just nap wherever? But, I currently have a playdate planned around Max’s nap time today. I didn’t get how truly busy I would be with work, being a momma, trying to keep your house in order, + working out…plus, keeping up with everyone.
So, yeah…I 100% get not getting it. Or not getting how to best support someone. And please, don’t be the person that says “just wait, you’ll see”. Just keep that to yourself, because none of us got it.
I say don’t break up with her. I say love her. Support her. Wish the best for her. Plan a girl’s weekend with her, even if that is only going to happen once every 2 years. Understand that the friendship might not be what it used to be, but that’s okay…for both of you. This is a time when it is okay to lower your expectations for your friends, because heck…I hope that are doing the same for me.
Thanks Lisa for sharing your opinion + spurring this post. It is like I always say on this blog, I think the differences in people is what makes life beautiful.